The greatest man I never really knew was my dad. When I was young, he worked a lot and was always doing things for and with other people. He had a problem with alcohol that amplified everything in his life. As a kid I never knew or understood the source of his pain, but it made my sister, mom and my life very difficult. When I was almost 8 years old, my mom and dad got a divorce and things got better in ways, but they also got worse. I was always envious of families that seemed to have it together. I would look up in the stands as I was playing high school sports as a teenager and imagine him being there as a proud dad watching the results of all the hard work his son had put in. Flash forward “28 years”. I was sitting in my car alone one day and all of a sudden, the memories of many horrible moments I experienced as a child came flooding back like a roaring freight train. It was like a movie that had been carefully edited to focus in on certain moments I had long forgotten. I wept deeply as tears flowed like a hard rain down my cheeks. I cried out several times, I love you daddy, I forgive you daddy. I came to realize later that those moments had registered in my heart as a child as unseen wounds that needed inner heart healing. The Holy Spirit could see that and brought it to the surface in a vivid way so that I could be healed and delivered from those things that had occurred so long ago. I had been walking with the Lord many years and never knew this was in me. The Lord showed me that that those things that had taken place that remained in my heart were not compatible with eternity and it was part of the deep inner work He was doing as I had invited Him in prayer to search my heart and deal with anything He saw.
Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”